Thursday, August 9, 2012

Moving On

When I first got pregnant I excitedly went onto the Internet to find a group of women who would be expecting around the same time I was.  I was looking to find camaraderie and hopefully make some lasting friendships with people who were experiencing the same as me.  A bunch of us branched out from the anonymous iVillage message boards and created a group on Facebook.

As the months progressed drama ensued (as it does with hormonally charged women)  Some people left other people were removed still some of us made an offshoot group so we could talk about more controversial topics that we didn't think the others would appreciate.

A few more months went by and drama once again erupted.  Part of it was due to my blog post about Agnosticism.  (I was personally attacked for what I believe, while not attacking anyone else for their beliefs)  Part of it was due to the fact that the rest of the group found out about the 2nd group and they were hurt by it, which I can understand.

So then after some time the original group became no more.  I heard they actually started another one, and most likely were able to bring back people who left the first few times.  Which is great.  I'm sad that any of the splits had to happen.  Most of us who had been in the 2nd group as well stuck by each other and formed  closer bonds.  It truly felt as though we had a sisterhood.

Well, the drama beast couldn't leave us alone and again we found ourselves split.  I am not proud to say that I was part of the origination of the drama, but it soon turned nasty.  I tried to stay neutral and not take any one side, but I guess I didn't do a very good job of it.

Several members of the group felt as though they could no longer be a part of the drama and decided to leave.  I can't blame them for that.  I stayed because I still needed that one place I could go and vent my frustrations that I couldn't post on Facebook for all the world to see.  I needed a place to go where people could tell me I was overreacting to something my child did or that maybe I should try something I never thought of.  I am a first time mom after all, I don't know what the Hell I'm doing!

Soon after the split I got an angry text message from one of the girls.  Apparently someone had told her I was talking about her behind her back (which I wasn't).  I was able to get that straightened out pretty quickly and hopefully we are still good.  I'm pretty sure we are :-).

Another girl, who I had helped support both emotionally and financially by contributing to her business, without a word deleted me as her friend.  I was baffled by this since she was the one who had started everything and I had actually agreed with her.  I sent her a message wondering why she deleted me, and wishing her the best in her life.  I let her know I was sad to be losing her as a friend.  She never responded.  I didn't think she would.  I was told that she just didn't want to have anyone who had anything to do with the group anymore, but that seems like a lie since I know she is still friends with people who did not leave.  But that is neither here nor there.

All of that to get to my point:  Over the past month, I have seen this girl interact with the people I am mutual friends with and it was just twisting the knife in deeper and deeper.  I was so hurt that she could just drop me as a friend just like that, without a word.  We never once said anything in disagreement to each other.  She had a major life event today and several people were wishing her well and praying for her.  I just found myself angry about it.  I couldn't find it in my heart to wish her well and that is just not like me.  I decided that I can't let these things get to me so much.  I needed to be able to talk to my friends without getting angry because she was too.  So I did something that I have never once done in the many years I have had Facebook.  I used the block feature.  And it felt good.

And now writing this all out, makes me feel even better.

So I say farewell to a friendship I thought I had, but I guess was never really there.