Thursday, October 25, 2012

The Grass is Always Greener....

For as long as I can remember, I have always wanted to be a stay at home mom.  I wanted to be Donna Reed, or June Cleaver.  I would always have a home cooked meal, fresh baked goods, a tidy home and a kiss for my husband as he walked through the front door.  All while being impeccably groomed and smiling and singing all day long.

And then, I finally got what I always wanted.  I was able to stay at home with Baby R.  And let me tell you, 1950's TV lied to me!!  Don't get me wrong, I love being able to see Baby R grow and learn.  It's the rest of it that drives me crazy!

My house is rarely clean.  As I sit typing this, I have a sink full of dishes, crayons and other miscellaneous toys strewn about my living room floor, chair cushions on the floor of the front room (because where else should they go, says Baby R).  I haven't put makeup on all week, but I DID manage to cook some meals and bake some cookies.  How did these women do it??  How do the millions (?) of other stay at home moms do it?  It is a struggle day to day for me.  I've tried organizing myself.  I gave myself one room to concentrate on per day in the hopes that I would be able to keep them all up.  Problem is, those rooms don't stick to the schedule as to when they get messy!  (How rude!)  I've tried cleaning as I go, but then there is the 15 month-old tornado right behind me every step of the way.  (Oh, you wanted those to stay folded mom??  Silly woman!)  I'm pretty sure checklists won't help because I'll just forget to check them off.

Then there's the guilt.  For the majority of our relationship I was always the breadwinner.  I have now gone from being the breadwinner to contributing nothing financially to our household.  We are struggling financially and I feel immense guilt because I could be working, but I'm not.  I know that if I go back to work, we could be so much better off financially and we could give Baby R so much more.  I also feel like I am missing out socially by not working.  We live in a new place where I know very few people.  Most days the only people I see are Baby R and Papa R.  While I love them both very much, sometimes I just need a break!  And then there comes the guilt again of am I being selfish?  Should I put my child's care in the hands of strangers just because I need some "social time"?  Is it better to provide her with a financially stable life or one where I am her sole caregiver?

Would I be a better mommy to her if I did have more time to myself?  Sometimes I think I would, but then I think about all that I would miss out on if I were stuck behind a desk for 8+ hours a day.  Would she be better off in a daycare environment?  I struggle with this one the most.  I think that this is something she really needs to boost her social skills.  She does so great with other adults, but when she is around other kids her age, she doesn't really interact well.  I feel like putting her in a daycare environment would help her with that.

I guess there really is no right answer here.  Ultimately I need to do what is best for our family.  I just need to figure out what that is....

Monday, October 22, 2012

Raising a Politically Aware Child

With all the election buzz going around, I thought I would get in on the action too.  Now that I have a child I've realized that things I say and do will trickle down to her.

Now I was never one to follow politics.  When I was younger, I found them confusing.  My family never talked politics.  At least they never did in front of us.  I remember when I was in junior high, I think it was the election of Bush the 1st, I asked my mother who she had voted for in the election.  My mother turned to me and said "None of your damn business!"  I have always remembered that and to this day I am grateful that she did that.  The way my parent's raised me I was able to make up my own mind and not just blindly follow the party they did.  I still don't know what party either of my parent's belong to and honestly, I don't care.  My brothers and I each share our own views, some of them similar and some VERY different.  While I do align myself with one side, I do try to look at both (or all) candidates before making a choice.  9 times out of 10 I pick one side over the other.

My husband, on the other hand, is very politically minded.  He has such passion and he gets very heated when he sees what he perceives as injustice from the other side.  His parents are also very politically minded, so I know that he was raised in a different manner than I was.  I'm not saying this is bad, mind you, just different.

I would like to raise Baby R in a similar fashion as I was raised.  I don't want her to say "I'm this party because my mommy and daddy are".  I want her to be able to form her own opinions and if they are different from ours, then it is what it is.  Since Papa R IS so politically minded, I think this is going to be quite the challenge.

How do you handle politics in your family?  Do you openly discuss candidates?  Do you tell your children who you are voting for and why?  Do you "bash" the party you don't agree with?  I'd really love some feedback on this one.

Sunday, October 21, 2012

Struggles

It has been a hard few months in the Ramberglar household.  We moved to Roswell, NM in June so that Papa Ramberglar could start working as a police officer.  We moved away from family and friends to start this new venture.  It was tough, but not unmanageable.  He was making enough money that I could stay at home and raise Baby Ramberglar.  Life was sweet, or so we thought.

Three months into the new job, there was no new job.  Papa Ramberglar had some trouble getting through the FTO process and wasn't able to correct the problems in time.  So we were 8 hours away from any family and things were looking pretty dire.  I started to look for work so I could help contribute to the finances again.  In doing my job search I came across several open teaching positions in a few of the schools here.  Well, isn't this perfect since Papa R is a licensed teacher!  So he got on the ball and applied.  He had 3 interviews lined up and was offered a position on the the same day he interviewed.  Great right??

Since his license is held in another state, he has to transfer it.  Since he is not licensed in the State of New Mexico he can only be hired on as a long term substitute teacher at HALF the pay he would make as a full time teacher.  The State tells us it could be at least 8 weeks to get this done.  Meanwhile I am freaking out because we don't have enough money to pay rent! (Or any other bills for that matter).  We've had to borrow from the in-laws so many times my brain just hurts thinking about it.  I am so grateful to them for their help.  We've also had to tuck our tails between our legs and ask for financial assistance from the government.  Hopefully we won't need it for long.

I am again looking for work.  While I love staying at home with Baby R, I miss the adult interaction.  Plus I feel like she needs to be in an environment where she is around other children.  She is great playing by herself, but she gets upset when she is around other kids.  I think the regular interaction would be good for her.  I'm hoping to get an interview in the next week or two for one of the jobs I applied for.  It would be perfect as it is for the school district and I would have summers off with Papa R. so we could take time and visit family instead of trying to cram it all into just two weeks of vacation time.

So that is what we have been dealing with on our end.  Really hoping to see the light at the end of the tunnel soon....